About Motherhood

Todd recently referred me to this talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Because She is a Mother." Here are a few of my favorite snip-its by Elder Holland:

"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones...

"One young mother wrote to me recently that her anxiety tended to come on three fronts. One was that whenever she heard talks on LDS motherhood, she worried because she felt she didn’t measure up or somehow wasn’t going to be equal to the task. Secondly, she felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet—all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like “goo goo.” Thirdly, she often felt people were sometimes patronizing, almost always without meaning to be, because the advice she got or even the compliments she received seemed to reflect nothing of the mental investment, the spiritual and emotional exertion, the long-night, long-day, stretched-to-the-limit demands that sometimes are required in trying to be and wanting to be the mother God hopes she will be...

"But one thing, she said, keeps her going: “Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him. I am deeply moved that God finds His ultimate purpose and meaning in being a parent, even if some of His children make Him weep...

"Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well."

I loved this talk, perhaps because it spoke so keenly to my worrisome, anxious nature. But I just loved his comments. And I wanted to share a few thoughts, not to ask for your pity or anything of that nature, but simply because maybe you are struggling with something too, and maybe this can brighten your day and help you have that glimmer of hope. 

I have been struggling more and more with infertility, and waiting for more sweet spirits to come to our home. The other day, I got the thought to write down some of my real, true feelings and thoughts. I was hesitant. I felt like I have been so negative as it is lately about this trial, that I didn't want to focus on it more. But I really felt like I needed to. So, I started. And it was so helpful. It has kind of morphed into a longer project now, even. But I thought I would just share. I think sometimes in our daily struggles, we just muddle through them. But I think it we stop to ponder (which in my case comes as I write) about those experiences, then the Lord can communicate to our hearts HIS perspective. So, I write a little, and then the Spirit might teach me something, or might expand my vision, or might help me understand a little about the eternal perspective. Anyway, it is so helpful and healing, really. 

Here is a very small part of what I have recorded. And, please, please, don't feel bad for me. I am writing this here, because I am hopeful that it will help someone else in their own trial. Your trial is most likely different than mine, but maybe this can help you some how: 

"I recorded this in my journal one night: 'It seems as if everyone in the world is pregnant. And I learned today of another friend who is expecting. It is still hard. Tonight as we went to the temple I said a little prayer that my heart would be comforted. While I was waiting, I opened up to Matthew, and read the account of when the Savior taught the disciples to fear not, because the Lord would take care of them. He teaches that we need not worry; the Lord knows what we have need of. Try not to focus too much on the worries of tomorrow, for God will provide. So, to me, this reminded me that God knows my heart and my desires. He has a plan for me. I don’t need to worry about His plan, or how or when it will work out. Just do the best now to take good care of what He has given me. I was grateful for the reminder'... 

"This trial, and my subsequent less-than-perfect attempt at overcoming it, is a huge deterrent in reaching my potential as a disciple. It is something that makes me selfish, self-centered, inward-focused, covetous, bitter, envious, and impatient. I tend to focus on it a lot, which drives the Spirit from me... 

"The good news is that the Savior understands and feels exactly how I feel in this very moment, in this very instance. And He still loves me. And He can help me through it, if I will let Him. The good news is that I can always pray, even if the adversary tries to convince me otherwise. The good news is that God's strength is always greater than my own. The good news is that this is part of the test. This is my own little opportunity to prove myself, and to show what I am made of. This is what I have been waiting for forever. Before we came to this earth we were taught and prepared for what would come. This is my time to practice all the learning I received before this mortal journey. The good news is that I will be able to help my children when they are waiting for something from the Lord, and begin to wonder if He is there and if He is listening, and if He cares. 
"The good news is that the Atonement of Jesus Christ will make up for all the unfair things in life. The good news is that while no one understands me perfectly, and at times, I make it out to seem like no one really cares, at the center is my Savior, who does understand and does care. 
"The good news is that without our trials we would not be refined. This opportunity to wait and to grow and to feel a little uncomfortable now, will be spiritually strengthening and fortifying. These opportunities will be the avenue for being fully prepared for what is to come after this life. 
"President Boyd K. Packer shared a scripture, which teaches of the importance of maintaining a soft heart while waiting for the Lord's deliverance. In Alma 62:41, it teaches: 'But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war, and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.'
"Then President Packer taught: 'Surely you know some whose lives have been filled with adversity who have been mellowed and strengthened and refined by it, while others have come away from the same test bitter and blistered and unhappy...We live in a day when the adversary stresses on every hand the philosophy of instant gratification. We seem to demand instant everything, including instant solutions to our problems…It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.'
This makes me feel humbled, like I need to repent and be more submissive. But it also makes me feel validated, stronger, and more able."

Don't you just love the idea of hope. Whenever we receive glimmers of hope, I am so strengthened and uplifted. "Wherefore, my beloved [friends], ye must press forward, with a steadfastness in Christ, having a PERFECT BRIGHTNESS OF HOPE, and a love of God, and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:20). (If you haven't yet read the Book of Mormon, or would like to know more about it, please let us know!). 

Have a bright and hope-filled day!